At the moment I am going through something which most people have gone through at one point or another, a break up. That moment where you have to say goodbye to someone that you've been close with for a certain amount of time. Losing someone is hard, no matter what the circumstances are or even if you weren't properly together! Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, but also the strongest. I've been switching between various emotions over the past few days, sorrow, anger, sadness, relief, disappointment, happiness, confusion.. You name it, I've felt it.
Unfortunately, this situation I'm in is not my first, I have experienced many break ups in my 22 years, it seems to get more difficult each time. Right now it feels pretty raw and honestly, crap. But we must remember positivity! It's good to get advice, or to just feel like you're not alone. So I've decided to write a blogpost as a reminder of the things I need to be doing as I go through the process of picking myself back up again and starting anew. Hopefully anyone going through something similar will take some tips from this too!
So here we go, here are my helpful tips to get through a break up:
Give Yourself Time to Grieve
Breaking up with someone causes you to feel a lot of overwhelming emotions. You lost someone who used to be a big part of your life, of course you're going to feel crappy for a while, and that's okay. Give yourself a some time to cry, lie in bed, watch sad movies (excluding My Best Friend's Wedding, that is off limits! I learnt that the first time), eat all the ice cream you want!
Go For A Walk
One of the best pieces of advice I got when I was feeling at my worst was to go out for a walk. So simple I know, but it did wonders, even just for a moment. Maybe there's a country park near you? Walking through nature reminds you that no matter how you feel the world keeps on turning. I've found going on walks quite therapeutic in at this time! Just plug in your headphones and go!
Turn To Friends and Family
Although moping around the house forever is very appealing, eventually you've got to get out and start thinking about other things. Hanging out with your friends can do wonders, it's a great distraction, plus you can have a lengthy chat about what happened and get their honest opinion. Perhaps they've had a similar situation. Or maybe you can help with a friend's troubles too, everyone has something they're going through.
It's good to have a reminder that you're not the only one that feels that way. At a time where you might feel unworthy of love, your friends are there to remind you that there are people in your life that care about you, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. Plus, you get to make new memories!
Remind Yourself Of The Relationship Negatives
Your special person may have seemed wonderful before things ended, which makes moving on incredibly tough! How can you move on when there are so many questions in your head? How could you ever find someone as smart or funny as them? Why won't their face leave your mind?Relationships are never perfect, there is always something that may have niggled you, no matter how small. This is the time to remind yourself of those. Don't go on an angry rampage, but keep those "what ifs", and "if only I'd"s in check.Things weren't perfect, it's important to remember that, even just to keep your mood a little lighter until you feel ready to appreciate the good memories without feeling a stab of pain.
Out Of Sight Out Of Mind
Do you still have all their photos on your phone? Are you following them on any social media? If you know what they are doing then quick, delete it! Hide it away, even if you do plan to be friends later, it's important to take some time to yourself. Don't remind yourself of them, or torture yourself by looking at what they're doing with they're new date. Look the other way, focus on the huge chunk that is the rest of your life. You'll find relief in being pleasantly oblivious, and there's nothing wrong with that! A step to moving on is actually experiencing what life is like without them. Believe me, you'll find that there's a lot in it to appreciate, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
Listen To Your Favourite Music
Whenever I'm feeling sad I always listen to some music to relax me. Every time I've gone through a situation similar to mine now, I listen to Taylor Swift. I relate to the lyrics so much! Plus, there's a mixture of angsty songs with a dab of wistful and regretful. And then after feeling that pain and frustration, you can listen to a motivational song to get back up again! What's your go to artist?
Find Books or Videos Relating To You
When I feel alone, I normally turn to Youtube. There I watch Mike Falzone and Matthew Hussey videos. While Hussey focuses on relationships, Falzone discusses many different life struggles. I've been watching Mike Falzone's walk and talk videos for a few years now, and always use them to give myself a reality check, or motivation to carry on the path I'm heading down. Their videos can be so inspiring, so give them a go! Even if you don't agree with what they say, it's good to hear a different opinion.
Start A New Hobby
Look at all this extra time you have! You're being given an opportunity to really work on yourself and gain some new skills. Perhaps you always wanted to get that summer bod, or work on your diet. Maybe you've always wanted to go to a certain class and never had the courage to do it. Now is the time to stand up and find out what makes you tick! Make time for yourself, take yourself on little dates, or revisit a passion that you somehow lost over the course of your previous relationship. Finding a happiness that you created is wonderful for your self-esteem!
Forgive Yourself
If you look back you will most likely find that there was something you could've done better. The "What Ifs" end up circling your mind. Now is the time to forgive yourself! You may have messed up, but you've learnt from your situation. Without mistakes, we don't learn how to become better people. If there is something that you did wrong then use this time to work on yourself and become a person that you love.
Don't Rebound
You want to fill the hole that's suddenly appeared in your heart, but finding someone new to do that isn't going to be very helpful. Wait until you are ready to date someone new. The worst thing you'd need is involving someone in your heart-break and ending up with another break up on top of the one you already had. It's so tempting to jump straight into something new, but just think, how magical would it be to meet someone when you're happy with yourself and ready to love wholeheartedly?
It's Okay To Feel Sad
Having your heart broken sucks. You feel crushed, you can't sleep, can't eat, miss someone when you shouldn't and just wish that everything would feel alright already. Your self esteem might be low, and you might be crying a lot but remember this. You cared. Otherwise you wouldn't feel like this, and caring for someone is a wonderful thing. Even if you ended up being hurt, you cared about them, that's not something that should be seen negatively. Moving on takes time, so did opening up to someone, the fact that you can do both shows how strong you are.
You Are An Amazing Human Being
Did you read that? Yes? Now repeat that to yourself 10 times. No matter what everyone else says, or what you tell yourself, believe this. You are wonderful!! Remember that whenever you're feeling down. You are beautiful and unique and deserve so much love. If you take nothing else from this post, make sure you remember that!
So that's my contribution to getting through a break up. They suck, and I might feel dejected now, but things will get better. No matter how slow, life will improve and I will be stronger for it! Now it's time to belt out as many showtunes as I can muster, and binge read for as long as I can. Maybe not at the same time though..
Are you going through anything tough at the moment? Is there anything I've missed? Let me know, we can all do with lifting each other's spirits!
